Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Tuesday's Hearsay and Conjecture: Don't Drink The Fuel Edition

Sounds Like I Guy I Knew In College

Well. Not exactly. My college buddy would keep drinking after he passed out. Truly amazing. If he passed out with a cup or mug in his hand, while seated, he would keep drinking. Slowly. But the cup would raise up to the mouth from time to time and he would drink.

He's got NOTHING on this guy.

An Iowa man was fired in April from Amaizing Energy, an ethanol fuel producer (aMAIZing, get it?). Why is this important you ask? Because he was DRINKING the ETHANOL!

It seems our protagonist was a recovering alcoholic with a curious streak that rivals a three-year-old with a fork and an electrical socket. For some godforsaken reason he decided to starting drinking the ethanol.

Please keep in mind that ethanol is 190 proof. 200 proof is pure alcohol, you know, the kind you rub on wounds. Remember that shot of 151 your buddies gave you as a joke while they drank an iced-t shot just to watch you wretch in a trash can (too much info?)? This guy not only drank the shot, he drank the bottle, then proceeded to down a bottle of rum for good measure.

One day there was an ethanol spill at the plant. The ethanol hadn't yet been mixed with gasoline, thus not deadly(-ier), so he began slurping it down.

When is co-workers found him he was incoherent. He was taken to the hospital and was found to have a BAC of 0.72. That's better than Michigan's winning percentage last year. It's generally thought that anything over 0.4 will kill you. His BAC was almost twice that.

As you probably guessed, he got canned as a result. What makes this funny is he actually filed a wrongful termination suit claiming the company was responsible for his condition. He claimed in his suit that the company put him in a position to drink the ethanol and his preexisting condition of alcoholism pushed him over the edge. The Judge denied his claim, and in doing so gave us one of the funniest lines in jurisprudence...

"The employer has a right to expect employees not to drink the fuel."

(HT: MB)


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